that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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