i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
