cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
