Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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