I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
