God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
