If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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