The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
