I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
