Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
