: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
