watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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