Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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