It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
