Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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