Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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