Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
