hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
