i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
