Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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