i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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