it wasn't lemon gatorade
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
