Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
