Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
