I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
