My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
