Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
