nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
