Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
