Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
