She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
