So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
FUCK WHALES
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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