How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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