I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
