i dedicated my morning wood to you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
