a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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