I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
