Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
