Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
