is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
