she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
