i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
