I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
There r osticjed everywhere
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
