I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
