He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
