Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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