I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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