I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
