i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
