She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
