I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
sex in a hospital.. check
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
