kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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