Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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