he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
