the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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